I have been thinking a lot about firsts lately. I took Doodles to get his haircut a few weeks ago and there was a little girl getting her first haircut. That first tuft of hair that you save. Doodles first haircut was January 25, 2005...he was 14 mos old.
There is a reason why firsts are invading me. My daughter would have been 1 this month (due date 7/28/09). I would have been celebrating her first birthday with her first party. In the past month or so, or maybe the next few, I would have been watching her take those first tentative steps. I would have been taking her for her first haircut. I think, or maybe torture, myself wondering if her first word would have been mama or if she would have been weird like Doodles and said pupa (puppy) first. All of those firsts that I am missing...
I think that I grieve more for her than the babies I lost in Feb 2008 because I saw her. She was just so little...damn it, she just needed time!!!!! Happy birthday baby. I love you - always
Slipped Away...Avril Lavigne