Friday, January 22, 2010

Friend...maybe not

What is a friend and how much should one expect from a friend? Maybe I expect or want too much out of the few people that I call friend...maybe I expect too much out of myself. I give to not only to show that I care, but it makes me feel better when I give a gift that one gets joy from. I expect nothing in return but loyalty and that they be there if/when I need them. I think for the most part I am pretty low maintenance when it comes to friendship.

Our relationship started out as manager/employee...we became friends when he had the nerve to venture into my work area. I made a flippant comment about management not being allowed to enter into my area and much to my surprise his response was as sarcastic as my comment to him. It was the first time that I really looked at him and saw him as a person who was worth getting to know. He was funny, sarcastic, kind, and he had such a positive soul. Our friendship grew slowly, he had an innate understanding of my need to keep things inside of myself until I was ready to talk. He was so patient with me, never pushy! He opened up to me unlike anyone he has ever opened up to before. Our relationship grew and it flourished until it crossed over into intimacy.

We have always had a flirtatious way about us. The two of us will flirt with anyone; from the youngest to the oldest, the cutest to the not so cute...we are the equal opportunity flirt squad. In December 2007, the flirtation between the two of us went from verbal to physical; but, we put boundaries in place. The problem with those boundaries is that we pushed them as far as we could and still say that we were well within them. On January 17, 2008 all of those boundaries were erased as our libidos took over. That was supposed to be a one time thing! An oops... Right after it happened, we were awkward with each other at first but the elephant soon left the room. Our friendship took precedence over a one time lack of judgment.

Until...his marriage (did I not tell you, hmmm sorry) hit some major rocks! I had quit the position I had with the company he works for in April. In May we were talking on the phone as he asked me to have an affair with him. I was hesitant to say the very least, I am not that girl! That one time made me feel horrible guilty, but I forgave myself and I know that God forgave my lack of he was asking me to knowingly enter into an affair. We talked about it many times, I heard about how his marriage was over and how he was feeling about that. He told me how happy it would make him to be with me. My response was that we would see about us if his marriage ended....guess what, that is not what happened! We entered into an affair and it went on (and off) until October 2009.

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