(originally posted Thursday 3/11/2010)
There are some days that you just know you should crawl back into bed and wait for the next one...today was one of those days! It started with the snooze button, always a bad sign, and before I could get into the shower Doodles walks into the bathroom with a bloody nose. No rhyme or reason why, it just started bleeding. I have a bleeder on my hands!!! We run out the door with everything we need for the day and it appears I am only going to be a few minutes late to work. Not bad considering.
Ahhhh, traffic, how you have filled my week with glee! All week the interstate has been a mess for my commute, why would today be any different?!?!? Oy vey. But, I finally arrive at work...only 15 minutes late! Open my email and discover that soccer practice will be held outside - WHAT?!?!?! I did not grab the stuff required for outside soccer practice! I will deal, I will figure it out, I am a mom it's what we do! Work today was...eventful to say the least. I was nominated to take someone's place on an improvement team, I accepted, and then I received a meeting notice for today...talk about hitting a girl over the head - yes I did get action items and my head is still spinning. Beyond that, the normal fires and we have our annual conference coming up in a little over a week so I will be traveling again and need to prepare for the conf - thus is the life. Sometime between the fires, the meetings, trying to get ready to implement new procedures I found time to go to the sporting good store to get some outdoor gear for Doodles for today's practice, I needed to buy black socks for him anyway so whatever.
Soccer practice was...COLD!!!! Yes, I didn't have time to go change so I went in my work-wear. I wore the cutest lil mini today...mmmm yeppers great choice! So, I took a chance and went and sat in the car...bad move, Doodles freaked when he realized I wasn't in his eyesight and had an accident. The height of misery for my 6 year old. I feel so bad!!!! Luckily I had his school clothes still in the car. So we got home, I feed him, put him in a nice warm bath...and then the end of bath time came and I fought with him to get him out. Oh yes, I should have never gotten out of bed this morning.
Finally, everything is quiet...the washing machine is almost done and I will be able to go to bed and start all over tomorrow. I haven't told Doodles that his father isn't picking him up until after his game on Saturday yet...because of the teeter totter he goes through of wanting to go/not wanting to go - I admit I'm a chicken :)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Fairy Tale
(originally posted Wednesday 3/10/2010)
I went to a therapy session once and was told to change who I was. Point blank, the therapist at the time told me if I ever wanted to have a healthy relationship that would last I needed to change who I was at the very core. The reason behind this was that the therapist believed others view me as a fairy tale; I would never be a reality. I couldn't be; no one really wants to be accepted unconditionally all the time - people do not know how to deal with that. The world is full of people who judge others, who accept on conditions, who love as long as it is their way. That is the reality of what people know, what people are used to.
When people meet me and get to know me they have a tendency to get attached and to "fall a little in love" because I don't judge and I accept them for who they are. I don't ask for that person to change, nor do I ask for anything in return. I expect nothing from those in my life, but I give them as much as I can. This is the fairy tale, but because we are adults we know that fairy tales are nice stories...they do not belong in the long term. Adults get bored with the fairy tale and put it on the self to be remembered while they go on with the reality of their life.
I have been told that I will forever be put on the shelf to be remembered as a pleasant memory until I change who I am at the core of my very self. I need to learn to be slightly judgmental, I should never completely, unconditionally accept any person just because they are a fellow human being, I should learn to take more and give less.
I stopped seeing that therapist because I thought he was cracked! What type of person tells another to change from a giver to a bitch? I hate to say that it appears that he was right. Not only on this, but when he told me that my personality attracts abusers because I leave myself open to it. I believe there is good in every person; some day I will find one who will not abuse me, someone who will treat me with respect, someone who will love me for who I am, someone who will accept me…yes that was my mindset. It is not any longer. I look back on my time in therapy with this particular therapist and he had me pegged absolutely correctly! I should have listened more and not been so stubborn about believing that I would find something good in the world. I need to put myself on the shelf to gather dust…I am way too old and too tired for fairy tales.
I no longer believe there is good out there, at least not for me. The bad, the negative, the complete horror that life has to offer has touched me far too often for me to even think that there is anything but those things for me. As soon as I thought I had a positive, good person in my life he abused and turned into just another horrific memory. Acceptance. I am content to see, read, or hear about it for others. And I can only pray that there is a little good left for my doodles.
I went to a therapy session once and was told to change who I was. Point blank, the therapist at the time told me if I ever wanted to have a healthy relationship that would last I needed to change who I was at the very core. The reason behind this was that the therapist believed others view me as a fairy tale; I would never be a reality. I couldn't be; no one really wants to be accepted unconditionally all the time - people do not know how to deal with that. The world is full of people who judge others, who accept on conditions, who love as long as it is their way. That is the reality of what people know, what people are used to.
When people meet me and get to know me they have a tendency to get attached and to "fall a little in love" because I don't judge and I accept them for who they are. I don't ask for that person to change, nor do I ask for anything in return. I expect nothing from those in my life, but I give them as much as I can. This is the fairy tale, but because we are adults we know that fairy tales are nice stories...they do not belong in the long term. Adults get bored with the fairy tale and put it on the self to be remembered while they go on with the reality of their life.
I have been told that I will forever be put on the shelf to be remembered as a pleasant memory until I change who I am at the core of my very self. I need to learn to be slightly judgmental, I should never completely, unconditionally accept any person just because they are a fellow human being, I should learn to take more and give less.
I stopped seeing that therapist because I thought he was cracked! What type of person tells another to change from a giver to a bitch? I hate to say that it appears that he was right. Not only on this, but when he told me that my personality attracts abusers because I leave myself open to it. I believe there is good in every person; some day I will find one who will not abuse me, someone who will treat me with respect, someone who will love me for who I am, someone who will accept me…yes that was my mindset. It is not any longer. I look back on my time in therapy with this particular therapist and he had me pegged absolutely correctly! I should have listened more and not been so stubborn about believing that I would find something good in the world. I need to put myself on the shelf to gather dust…I am way too old and too tired for fairy tales.
I no longer believe there is good out there, at least not for me. The bad, the negative, the complete horror that life has to offer has touched me far too often for me to even think that there is anything but those things for me. As soon as I thought I had a positive, good person in my life he abused and turned into just another horrific memory. Acceptance. I am content to see, read, or hear about it for others. And I can only pray that there is a little good left for my doodles.
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