Happy Thanksgiving & Many Blessings to you

Happy Thanksgiving! Today I look at my life and realize I am very thankful that my stupidity has not gotten the best of me. I am thankful for new friends & the constant forces of nature that stay in my life, for wonderful parents, and for a great little sister! It may be bad, but I am thankful that my older siblings are not in attendence for our Thanksgiving day so it is, and will remain, peaceful.

But most of all I am thankful for the funniest child who has conversations such as ---

Doodles and I were sitting in the rocking chair together....Mommy "I love you more than anything!"

Doodles "I'm love you more than anything. I'm always going to love you best!"

Me "thats right!"

Doodles "Even when I have kids I am going to love you more"

Me "When you have kids you can love them a little bit more..."

Doodles "I'm going to love them a little bit less than you because you know how they are!"

Me (laughing) "yeah, kids are brats....they misbehave at school...rotten"

Doodles "HEY!"

I have been so blessed to have a child that is so funny. That I love more than anything!!! He makes me laugh so hard almost every day.

I hope that all of you have a great day and enjoy the time you spend with your family...that time is a precious commodity!

Productivitiy Down

Today is not very productive! The good news/bad news is that I have found myself kid free so maybe, just maybe I will find that productiveness has just been taking a nap and will wake up. I can work well into the evening and ease my guilt. Not that my morning was completely un-work related...I went and dropped off my passport paperwork at the post office, I stopped in at FedEx and got that done, the only thing I did that was not related to work was my doctor appointment and that just had to be done. So, things are getting done, just sllllooooowwwwwllllyyyy....call me Ms. Turtle today.

I still need to pack for the boy and my journey to grandma's house.

Actions Speak...

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Paraphrasing...what you have gone through makes allowing someone to get close not worth it - the therapist. Oh, the truth behind those words. The pain is so not worth the hug.

Last week we discussed the frustration she can hear in my voice when I am talking about who I was and who I have turned into. This week as I was talking she mentioned how tired I sound. I go into my appointments and I do not allow the wall because I understand that it will not help me...so she gets to hear the pain, the anger, the frustration and yeah she gets to hear just how tired I am. Putting on an act for as long as I have has taken it's toll and I am so tired....no, exhausted is a more apt phrase. My determination and the smile I put in place like armor are fading and I know it...it gets more difficult every day.

We discussed my suicidal tendencies.....she asked the question I knew was coming, and one that I cannot answer with an affirmative like she would want. It has been such a well kept secret that I even have those feelings inside of me -- I mean I am the perfect one I cannot feel that way! I lost the people I call when I feel that way when Marc and Ro died, when R changed into an abusive loser...I told her I get through it on my own with the assistance of prayer and my Bible.

Letting others in, getting emotionally invested....I've done that and learned just how unkind people are......and really it just is not worth it. BUT, I'm trying. I am taking baby steps into finding my confidence, into allowing myself to trust others, into believing in others kindness.....but people's actions speak so much louder and often overpower a person's words.

Letters of Intent - What's Going On

Dear A...

Seriously....no, seriously - now that I moved out here at your request you are going to go back on everything you said as you were pretty much forcing my hand???? All I need is the truth...may I remind you that I have no family down here and all of my friends/babysitters lived on the other side of the river - 45 minutes away!!!! But, I am still expected to play the nice girl???? Really?

Signed,
Yeah, we are busy those days too

Dearest Doodles...

You are my heart and soul, but if you continue to stay up until all hours of the night I am going to seriously rethink my punishment scheme. I will not be yelled at by the daycare for getting you there "at the last minute" because you refuse to get up.

love you so much,
The Mommy who is as tired as you are

Hey Daycare!

What's up??? FYI...I pay you. Actually I pay you a lot of money, so hows about you NOT yell at me. And ummmmmm, if you would be ever so kind as to not tell me when to bring my kid in or when not to that would be great. I mean, I do pay for before and after school care which means I can drop him off anytime before 7:30am...yeah, that means 7:29 if I am running that late. I do appreciate you caring so much, really I do! But, let's just not do this whole nit-pick at the mother thing. Thanks so much!!

Sincerely,
The MOTHER

Really, this is what we are going with???

There are times that I absolutely love life...and then there are times when I look around and say, REALLY? Really, this is what we are going with??? Today, well strike that, actually this evening is one of those REALLY?? days.

Supposed to go to the hockey game tomorrow....that's not happening, because once upon a time a million years ago I married the world's most undependable human being. I believe that he should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for most unreliable human being...but who am I to measure the reliability factor of these type of things? Ya know who will...one day Doodles will take that measure and if he finds it lacking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

There is a sense of entitlement running rampant in these parts...maybe I am a little to blame for that. But isn't it a little sad when a 7 year old knows the value of a dollar better than some adults? Does anyone else find it disturbing that a 7 year old questions how much something costs and if a person has enough money to purchase it and there are some adults that just allow people to buy things for them no matter what? Maybe people need to take just one tiny little step back and question themselves.

Because REALLY? Really, is this really what we are going with???

Parenting FAIL

I was driving home from work the other day listening to Eminem’s Recovery disc, not really paying any attention to what was coming out of my radio. My mind was on a million and three other things. I got to daycare to pick up Doodles. When we got in the car he was full of his day. After 2 or 3 blocks he got quiet. All of a sudden…

“Mommy, I heard that F word.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Where are we going?”

“Therapy…can you be quiet, traffic is horrible.”

“Yes.”

HELLO….Clue number 1 that something was amiss! Yep, I missed it. Quiet 6 year old?!?!

After therapy we went into Chick-Fil-A and we were goofing around, being silly. And out of that boy’s mouth pops…

“Mommy, you are so hysterical you should be workin at a circus like a clown.” (said in total rap, gangsta beat)

The light bulb was starting to flicker, but still dim….this teenage boy looked at him, looked at me and asked “did he just sing Eminem?”

Doodles laughes…and looks at the boy and tells him “yes, we listened to the CD. There was lots of F words.” OH NO!!!! My eyes pop out of my head…the teenage boys laugh and look at me “Cool”. Not cool…6, so not cool to expose my child to that!

WINNER – Worst mother of the year….right here! I win!!!! Woot. I just can’t wait until he tells everyone at church what kind of music mommy lets him listen too………UGH. FAIL

trouble on the home front...

Home. Why, yes I am thank you for asking...now if someone would be ever so helpful and remind me what exactly are those things for, I believe they are called appliances???? You know the ones in that one room...hmmmm, kitchen I think......big, square, ya open it and it is cold...mine is apparently to hold water. Is it supposed to hold something else beyond water and capri sun? EEEEEEEeeeeee, I may be in trouble here.

I also have this closet looking thing...are any of you familiar? It has Halloween candy still in the trick or treat bag and a bottle of ketchup. There is supposed to be other stuff in there too, huh? SQUUEEEE....beyond trouble.

I believe there is a store that those with domesticated tendencies frequent. I wonder if they deliver. Yeah, ok, so I will pretend for at least a minute or 5 that I am a mother and go to that place....have I ever mentioned how much I dislike the --- shudder --- grocery store? {I will also let you all know that my local grocery store does deliver, but only to the elderly or incapacitated....I could pull that off. WHAT??? Don't judge, getting in the car and going, eventually, maybe tomorrow.}

Birthday Party

It was a day to celebrate. He turned 7...only because I couldn't stop it! I took matters into my own hands and for the first time in his life we had a proper birthday party for him. He believes that both of us chipped in to throw that party and that is how it shall remain, but I am exhausted and broke until payday and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. If anyone deserves to celebrate with his friends it is the funniest, nicest kid on the planet (I keep telling you people that I am not at all biased in my opinion). He has had some hard knocks the last few years and just keeps being an amazingly wonderful little man and that is nothing short of a miracle. So, today we celebrated with his friends from school.



After lunch and cake there was swimming. Lots of swimming. the kids and parents went down before I did, including Doodles and A. I was taking presents to the car, finishing paying for the party...ya know doing the mom thing. One of my friends from church came to the party and was leaving...we were outside talking and I received a text message that said "Doodles was just saved by a lifeguard."

At the RecPlex they have this pretty cool 'Vortex' whirlpool thing that Doodles decided to experience with his friends. Apparently he got sucked into the middle of it and went under and was not strong enough to kick out of it. Sooooo..... a lifeguard had to hop into the water and pull him out. OY! Luckily that didn't scare him at all. He was jumping off the 3 M platform, the 3 M springboard and had a blast the rest of the day...They started swimming shortly before 1pm and I finally convinced him that going home was a good thing a little after 4pm. Him and his friend D were the last 2 standing. Good times were had by all. I think 7 is off to a really great start.

Now, I am off to kick some 7 year old booty at swordfighting....my arm is going to fall off! Do you think a Wii injury is reason enough to call in and take a few sick days from work? :-)

Growing up

I am going to miss this age, not mine but Doodles! I don't like growing up, when Doodles was little, especially a baby, I was impatient for him to get older, but right now at 6 he is perfectly imperfect with all his 6 year old boyishness that drives me crazy and that smile that gets him out of trouble. The way he says I love you for no apparent reason, hugs and kisses without embarrassment or second thought...and sometimes stops watching his cartoons runs to my room for no other reason than a kiss running away as soon as he gets it. Yep, 6 is perfect! He can stop growing up now. I cannot imagine liking 7 very much, 8 sounds suspicious to me, 10 doesn't give me the warm fuzzies, 16 fairly certain I won't like it one bit, 18 completely out of the question!!!!! I will demand a recount! {someone will have to point me back here when I am impatiently waiting for 18...lol}

Doodles did tell me a few weekends ago that I would never be a loser...I would never be a whackadoo...he would never think I am lame!!!! I told him I needed a recording of that conversation so I can play it back when he is older. :) Hmmmm, yes I will miss this age.

C'est le vie

Back in Boston...la la la! There are some days when I just want to be at home and this is one of those weeks. Doodles birthhday is Friday, we are having his party on Sunday. I don't really think that is the whole reason that I want to be home...I think I am just exhausted right now.

Let me tell ya'll, new boy is a tad bit more work than I think I am willing to put up with. I talked to one of my best male friends today and 'splained the situation and he told me to give the boy one more shot...call and leave the rest in new boys hands. My whole take on new boy is he takes things day by day -- I am super busy with work, child, travel...I need to be a planner. I have very little free time for a day by day kinda relationship. If new boy is not the boy for me, it's not a big loss for me.......is that bad??? It's probably bad, but there is always another new boy right around the corner. Yeah, bad.

C'est le vie.