Hatred seeps through my heart and gushes into my veins. I HATE HIM! For so long now I have done my best to keep my feelings pushed down, not allowing them to surface. Unwilling to face the unbearable pain that hatred brings.
B just wanted me to face my grief; she had no idea what was bubbling underneath. The hot, molten liquid that is hatred and grief mixed into a cocktail that I cannot handle. Now it is here, on the surface, strong and unbending. All afternoon I have been trying to get it back under control....it is not working. I want to find him. I want to hit him. I want to physically hit him. I hate him. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE him.
It's not Christian....it's not appropriate to hate. Ya know what B said........I look down like I am filled with shame. I am. I am ashamed that I am so filled with this burning hatred, I am ashamed that my choices brought my to this place, I am ashamed at what I have become. And, I am ashamed that I cannot even grieve properly without hatred for Rob.....
I can't do this!!!