Integrity, honesty, truth, candor, trustworthiness....whatever word you want to use it is so very important to me. I feel that it is the last thing that I have. It is the one thing that they have not been able to take from me.
I allowed them to take my self-esteem, my feelings of worthiness, self-trust, value - and so much more. I lowered myself and did things that eat away at my insides. Yes, I am working on all of these things...by the Grace of God I will somehow find the strength, wisdom and understanding to recapture my value and my worth. I will learn to trust in myself again. And, those things that eat at me will be silenced and be locked away in a compartment in my mind as a learning experience; hopefully never to be opened again.
When one questions me, I will answer and it will be an honest answer. If I perceive even a hint of someone calling me a liar, I will snap. I will not calm down...I have a right to protect the one thing I have left. I will not allow anyone to take away my integrity, my honesty. It is what I use to write this blog. It is what I use to talk about the horrors of my life in therapy. It is what I use as the last thread holding my life jacket together.
No, I refuse to allow anyone to take that away from me.