Thursday, August 26, 2010

Problem Girl???

Listen...Enjoy...and then if you would think for a moment...


Rob Thomas, Problem Girl


Is there a place in your life that you feel you are always a problem? You can do nothing right? And then there is this other place in your life where everything seems to work out...very little goes wrong and you are treated like the next best thing?


My personal life is where I feel the most inept. I am nothing but a problem. But at work...oh at work everyone wants me on their team! I wake up in order to go to work. I hate weekends...that is a sad testament to my life. I have the most gorgeous child on the planet, and he really is my whole world. My parents are pretty darn great. My life should be full without an id badge, but I am lost without one. I walk differently, I talk differently, I don't cry when someone debates with me - I thrive on it...but once I take that badge off, "the kids on the street say what's your problem girl...when they all make you feel like your a problem girl..."


A just makes me feel like dirt: I am an inconvenience, I am too inexperienced, I am an idiot, It's my fault when things go wrong, I don't satisfy, It's my fault our marriage failed, If I were better everything would work out, I AM INADEQUATE...

I have this friend who completely dismissed my thoughts and feelings; everyone else can say what they think but not me, mine are to be invalidated. It doesn't matter that I would never knowingly do or say anything to jeopardize her in any way, I AM THE PROBLEM...

and I could go on, but it is redundant and YUK!

Nothing I do or say is ever right in my personal life...not with the people who claim to be a "friend". I feel so clumsy and self-conscience....like I should just burrow under the covers until my workday starts again, or keep everyone at arms length -- anyone want to take a guess at what I have been doing? If I have learned anything from my time in therapy, I know what I am doing is not healthy...but on the other hand it keeps me steady.

Wanna think some more???




Reflection, Christina Aguilera, Mulan Soundtrack
Some more great lyrics that make a girl think...

Who am I??? Am I going through a nasty midlife thing?? Possible, or I am just sick of the crap that constantly surrounds me. As soon as it seems to get a little quiet something comes up. It's such crap. The KC Revolution is NOT going well. Why am I always the one to pretend........

edited 10/2/10

4 comments:

Misses M said...

You have been a great friend to me-- more than great-- I don't know how I would have made it through the past few months without your friendship and support. I know there's a saying or quote or something about how people come into your life for a reason, and you have more than proven that to be true. I can't possibly be the only one who feels this way about my friendship with you! These other people are the ones with the problems-- you are a beautiful person inside and out. And they know that. That's exactly why they try so hard to break you down-- because they are ugly inside and they envy your goodness.

I know you are a good person. That's what brought me to your blog! A comment you left on Fish's blog-- I remember thinking "wow, this KC person must really be someone special" and so I clicked the link to your blog, and I was right. You're a great person. And anyone who says anything to the contrary can go f**k themselves.

That said...

Christina Aguilera really seems to understand heartache and pain. "Reflection" has always been one of my favorites, and "Beautiful", too.

kc said...

I LOVE Christina!!! Her Stripper album is awesome! But, there is a whole differnt post that is floating in my head about Disney...one of these days when I am NOT FREAKING about amoveiamnotreadyforandneedhelpwithbutamwaytostubborntoask :)

Thank you for the kind words...you mean much to me too :)

I do feel as though there are certain people in my life who have become so ugly inside they border on evil.

Foursons said...

Wow, I don't really have a decent comment for you. I'm stuck on the two different sides of you between work and personal. I bet if you can figure out the reason then things will start to change.

How's that for armchair psychology? Hahaha- I just helped you soooooo much! Sorry.

kc said...

HA! If I ever figure it out I am going to advertise it and make millions. Yes, I will share :)