I feel as if I am starting a whole new life, not by choice but by circumstances. It is unfair to blame those circumstances solely at A's feet...I know I have been because it has been a little easier but the majority of this new chapter lays squarely in another direction. I know that A's girlfriend has been "hinting around" so I would have gotten the divorce papers sooner or later. But, the pages of my life story started to turn in a flurry and now I have come to a point where everything is changing.
I am leaving a job that I love that I have had for over 5 years. The people here have been like my family. But, I am moving on and will look at this as a positive step forward. It really is a great opportunity to prove myself once again. The only downfall is the travel...it's not something I want to do, but I will and I will be the best like I always am.
I am leaving an apartment that I love living in. It is fairly cheap, I have great neighbors, a church I love and a support group in my friends that are second to none. But, I will leave it behind and look forward. Doodles will start a new school and we will be fine. I will make it work like I always do.
BUT, this new chapter...or maybe whole new book I am making a promise to myself. I will not hide my feelings anymore for the "good of others". I will not harm myself so that the people around me can be ok while I slowly die inside. I will not be unfair to myself any longer.