Monday, August 2, 2010

Promises to myself

I feel as if I am starting a whole new life, not by choice but by circumstances. It is unfair to blame those circumstances solely at A's feet...I know I have been because it has been a little easier but the majority of this new chapter lays squarely in another direction. I know that A's girlfriend has been "hinting around" so I would have gotten the divorce papers sooner or later. But, the pages of my life story started to turn in a flurry and now I have come to a point where everything is changing.

I am leaving a job that I love that I have had for over 5 years. The people here have been like my family. But, I am moving on and will look at this as a positive step forward. It really is a great opportunity to prove myself once again. The only downfall is the travel...it's not something I want to do, but I will and I will be the best like I always am.

I am leaving an apartment that I love living in. It is fairly cheap, I have great neighbors, a church I love and a support group in my friends that are second to none. But, I will leave it behind and look forward. Doodles will start a new school and we will be fine. I will make it work like I always do.

BUT, this new chapter...or maybe whole new book I am making a promise to myself. I will not hide my feelings anymore for the "good of others". I will not harm myself so that the people around me can be ok while I slowly die inside. I will not be unfair to myself any longer.

edited 10/2

3 comments:

Misses M said...

When it rains it pours... isn't that how the saying goes? In 2008 I bought a house, got married, got pregnant, got a promotion, opened a new store, had a baby, and almost died. It was an eventful year to say the least... but I hope I never have that much excitement in one year again!

It's too bad that you're having to compromise your living situation to accommodate your ex, but I think this new beginning truly will be a new beginning for you. I think your decision to no longer hide your feelings will be so liberating for you! I don't know about you, but I always feel a teeny bit resentful when I have to hide my true feelings. Being open and honest really is refreshing. This is like your own personal revolution or something... viva KC! =)

kc said...

resentment is a good feeling for what is going on inside of me...there are times when I am like, yes I totally forgive but then BAM something comes up and it is this big ole ball of anger and resentment for everything I kept hidden away and every change I have to make.

But, LOL, the REVOLUTION is upon us! ;)

Misses M said...

I think this revolution will be a very good thing for you!

Sorry about my lack of comments lately... my keyboard has been temperamental, but I think it's fixed now.