Life Lessons from the Airport

My glamorous life just never stops....let me tell you about the time I spent almost 15 hours in the airport.......the airport that is less than 10 minutes from my house. I showed up an hour and a half early for my flight, yep I try to give my self enough time for a bagel before security, only to find out my flight has been canceled due to mechanical issues. I was re-booked on a 8:20pm flight. I looked into getting a rental car -- no dice, there were no rental cars at all in the St Louis metro area. I looked into other airlines -- NOPE, sold out. So, seeing as how my car was in Wisconsin patiently waiting for me to return from my one day trip back for class (oh yeah, I took a flight home on Sunday night so I could attend class on Monday and was supposed to fly back to Wisconsin on Tuesday morning.....its a glamorous life I lead), I had no vehicle to get around my home town. So, I sat in the airport. And sat....and sat. Finally, at 7pm I went through security and sat on slightly, but not really, more comfortable seats.....only to find out at 8:15 that they cancelled my flight to Wisconsin.

COSMIC JOKE!!! So, I learned some lessons on that Tuesday.......(1) never fly AirTran -- horrid airline, bad customer service, just NO! (2) Life is one big practical joke, so its best if you keep your sense of humor! There is really no reason to get angry, it is just you that ends up looking silly and life keeps moving on laughing at you as it goes. (3) Sometimes I should listen to the boy, he happens to be right at times. Even when I want to be stubborn, I should probably just listen. (The boy is just a friend, a work colleague from the great white north, there is no story here....move on HA!) (4) I can get a LOT of work done in an airport.....

So, as I said I flew home for class on Monday night. It was the last class of this cluster. I whined, I complained, I did not think I was going to do very well considering the classes and the fact I could not give my all to them because my travel schedule has been crazier than normal...BUT, my grades were posted on Thursday and A's in all 3 classes. My 4.0 is still in tact - WOW, just wow. So, today I celebrated my success by buying the cutest top. I figure I get Doodles a treat for doing well in school....I deserve one too, right???? :)

Missing In Action....

ok, not really...just been so crazy busy. I have been trying to get caught up with all my bloggy friends this morning. So many great posts in the month and a half!!!

I don't want to say that nothing has happened, but I just don't know how to put it all in words or even if I should.....you know how that goes.

Work is crazy as always, but I love it. EXCEPT -- isn't there always a but or an except in those statements??? Doodles told me a few weeks ago that I have to quit my job because I am gone much. He tells me that I should just find a new one. Yeah, a pretty craptastic mommy moment. My boss and I are trying to work through it -- trying to get my travel schedule under control....won't happen until after November. But, as always I will not hold my breath.

Doodles is doing great. Growing like a weed, cute as a bug. Reading at a 3rd grade level. We are getting ready to go on vacation out to Seattle. I am hoping that spending some time together will work out Doodles issues with my travel.

Single life has gotten a little complicated....but life is nothing without some complications. :)

Letters of Intent - Topsy Turvey

Dear A,

You are one of the most self-absorbed f#%^kwits I have ever met. Dealing with you racks up my stupidity points.

Sincerely,
how soon til July



Dear Place of Business,

Once again you have proven yourself to be my place of comfort. The place that raises me up when my personal life drags me down. This time though, you have gone above and beyond the call of duty! A 3% merit increase, a 2% salary increase and a very lucrative bonus?!?!? The monetary is not what has me flabbergasted, it is the words written on the performance evaluation. From the facilities stating that I have become a part of their teams even as I work for the entire group, to you boss-man praising without end and calling me a "valued asset" and looking forward to the next year, to being told I was undervalued and the expectation of greatness from someone who I respect so much at the corporate level. All of the words written are a soothing balm that have even reached beyond the professional to the personal. OH NO, I will not let you down place of business!!!

All my best,
appreciative employee

Dear Hatred,

I acknowledge you. I know you are there and who you are aimed at. I have not fully explored all of the reasons why I hate him so, but I will allow you to run your course. Please hurry, you make me uncomfortable.

Me

The Unglamorous Travel Life

Being me has become difficult to the nth degree. Not because of the drama...let's just keep that on the back burner. I am entirely too busy to deal with those schmucks (thanks Julie, I forgot what a fun word that is) at the moment. Let's discuss work (WHAT???) I know, I don't talk about it much. So we have discussed my dastardly travel woos in the past....welllllllll, my calendar has become my mortal enemy! OK, maybe that is a little harsh.

My calendar and I are so not on speaking terms right now. It totally refuses to add days. I need a day or two to be added...not to every month, just to March and maybe April. Not my fault that some of those people I work with need a little TLC and they are located in various locations.

Scheduled Trips:

1. Florida - 4 days
2. Cincinnati - 1 day then onto Boston for 2 days
3. NYC - 4 days
4. Cincinnati - 3 days
5. Los Angeles - 4 days
6. Cincinnati - 4 days
   
7. NYC - 4 days
8. Canada - 5 days

All of these trips have purposes in place....Mondays are my school days. I need to fit in another trip to Boston. All of these trips are between now and the second week of April -- yeah, it doesn't compute for me either.......that is why I am just asking for another few days to be put in the month. OY!!! The next two months are going to be interesting to say the least. I am putting my calendar to bed and will wrestle with it again tomorrow.

Have I ever told you how much I adore people who tell me that I am so lucky to travel so much. This is the unglamorous side of travel. Between all of this air time I need to fit this guy in:



Parent/Teacher Conference tomorrow...........yes, I will be nice ;) Mommy is my most important job. The pay is WAAAAYYYYYY better! Seriously, this evening alone I have been told I am pretty, and received 3 kisses & 2 hugs. There is no better payment -- seriously, look at him!

Letters of Intent: It's all good in the end

Dearest HR,

I am ever so respectfully asking, no begging, that you communicate with the employees. C'MON - 2 letters in a month written specifically to you, both regarding the word communicate. That to me seems a tad on the ridiculous side! Remember the whole unfortunate prescription issue...now you have rejected my review because YOU want something different. May I be the first to remind yo that this system was put in place two years ago and you came around and trained all of us. I remember and I followed through on my part, or thought I had. When you want changes made to a system you gave formal training on you need to communicate that in some way. Seriously, draft a memo at least. Have a paper trail or something! I am unable to read your mind. Thankfully, I have learned that I am not the only one unable to read the minds of others and this is a corporate wide issue. Maybe when you have had to kick-back more than 75% of the annual performance evaluations for the same or similar reasons, you should have seen the problem.

Best Regards,
The employee who knows communicating is not a deadly disease

Dear Boss,

Thank you for being the most understanding boss in the world. I know that listening to me whine is not always easy. Thank you for believing in me and giving me a shot at this job. I know you tell me that it is you who should thank me, but I really appreciate the opportunity.

Sincerely,
The employee who will not let you down

Doodles:

I love you. You are my reason for being. I know that the last few months have been hard and that mommy has been really busy with work. I also know how hard it is for you that mommy has to travel as much as she does. Just a few more months and it will settle down. You are the most understanding, wonderful son I could ever ask for. I am so thankful for you!!!!

Love,
the mommy who loves you to the moon and back

Weekends

It has been a really long weekend. Have I ever confessed to you all how much I really do not like the weekend? And now that I do not go into the office on Mondays, eeeeccchhhhh is all I have to say. Why does Tuesday take so long to get here?

I wrote my paper on Saturday in an hour and a half. It is 4 pages and I am pretty confident that it does not completely suck. Why am I confident, because I wrote about my job. Is that cheating? Well, I don't care! I love my job...I feel so good about myself when I put on those work clothes and that badge that gives me an identity. And ya know what, I had my review last week......reinforces that I ROCK! Where else in my life does anyone else depend on me and actually lets me know that I cannot leave them because they would be at a loss. Now, because I am nothing if not a realist, I know that it is a corporation and they would be just fine....but its nice to know that they think they would miss me and my abilities :)

I went to church yesterday and I tried very hard to push back that anxiety. Ya know what doesn't help? The Bible Study we are doing. Currently we are doing a Bible Study on Marriage...it is great that my Church is doing that, and the study itself is actually very good. But some of the people in that study are completely and ridiculously judgmental and it is TOTALLY non-Christian like. Why would anyone open up and tell some of those people they are having issues in their marriage??? So they can be judged? No, that is not our jobs as human beings. Our purpose is to be kind, loving and spread the word of forgiveness. I look around and I wonder how many of them are putting on a show, how many of them are being emotionally murdered but won't say anything, how many of them are close to spiritual suicide...and I wonder if possibly a kind, understanding word from someone would help make sure that those things do not happen, or stop happening to that person(s). It is a good Bible Study, and one I will stick out until the end...I hope that people are hearing themselves and hearing what the Pastor is saying and learning not just about marriage but acceptance.

Well, I am pretty close to done with homework...I have some things that can be done from home. (maybe I am a workaholic, I can deal with that there are worse things in life). Therapy is in a few hours...hmmmm

Productivitiy Down

Today is not very productive! The good news/bad news is that I have found myself kid free so maybe, just maybe I will find that productiveness has just been taking a nap and will wake up. I can work well into the evening and ease my guilt. Not that my morning was completely un-work related...I went and dropped off my passport paperwork at the post office, I stopped in at FedEx and got that done, the only thing I did that was not related to work was my doctor appointment and that just had to be done. So, things are getting done, just sllllooooowwwwwllllyyyy....call me Ms. Turtle today.

I still need to pack for the boy and my journey to grandma's house.

My Week...the good, bad, and hmmmm

It has been just a long week and it is only Wednesday. I am home this week, which is AWESOME! but with the various appointments to keep and work and neverending...

Work has been busy, but it is really going well. I am enjoying this job immensely. It is challenging and keeps me on the go which is all I really ask for. Procedures are being written and will be rolled out over the next few months throughout the companies and then we will move onto the next big task. It is very satisfying!!!!! But my laptop - UGH! The stupid cursor keeps jumping all over and I cannot figure out how to make it stop!!!!!! It selects text just because it is possessed....the UNDO button has become my BFF. It is so annoying.

Doodles went for a re-evaluation for his autism today with a different therapist. This therapist was absolutely awesome! She is not going to diagnose him one way or another, she is going to give it a few appointments. BUT, she sees no signs of ADHD and she is not seeing the autistic signs that would lead to that diagnosis. She believes he may have a Type A personality and have his own way of coping. The best thing about it was she actually listened when I told her I was uncertain about all of this because he could be reactive off of everything going on in my life. She totally agreed and she said that she doesn't want to send anything to school yet, but she might. She believes he was a target of a teacher that just wanted him medicated. He definitely does not need that. Doodles talked to her and interacted...she understood the only child, shy thing. I am DEFINITELY taking him back and going through additional testing with her. I KNEW he was being mis-diagnosed. Dr. E wants to really get to the bottom of things and if he is just Type A she is going to work with him on some coping skills. Always a good thing. I think this is the best thing EVAH!!! By the end of this he will be correctly diagnosed and will have coping skills no matter if it is autism or not. I feel good about it.

My therapy...the hypnosis is on hold. I was going to start on Monday, but "there was a block". So we talked and I need to go and talk to one or 2 more people before I am ok with doing this. The gist of it is I need to make sure this is in line with my spiritual beliefs. I haven't found anything in the Bible saying it's not, but I am going to consult with my Pastor and have a good long talk. This whole journey is about being healthy: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If I am not healthy in one way there will always be that whole in me.

Just Stuff

I do not think I have ever been this tired. It was a struggle to stay awake on the drive home tonight.

I was back at the old company today training the replacement and working one last project for them. I believe it will finally get done this week and then I will be free to move forward with the new position/division.

I had to run back to the old apartment today because my grandmothers wind chime was left behind. What?? I paid a moving company to pack and move me? You say?!?!? I do not think I will be dropping $900 in the future. I will pack myself to ensure none of my stuff gets broken or left behind. I may enlist the assistance of a moving company to haul my stuff...but that is a big ole MAY. I am one woman and a Focus!

I came up with a new reward system for Doodles...Blue Card at school, no strikes he can have a candy bar. Pretty sweet deal...told A about it and he was all like I'll try to have some candy bars, but I may not be able to.........AAAAHHHHHHAAAHHHH. Have I mentioned that I pay for school lunch, daycare, clothes, shoes, field trips, and every other additional thing the child may need. The man should be able to come up with $4 a week (when I am gone) to buy some dang candy bars...it's not like the kid is on blue every day! Incentives to get him towards that goal! There are days when my ex is a punk.

Problem Girl???

Listen...Enjoy...and then if you would think for a moment...


Rob Thomas, Problem Girl

Is there a place in your life that you feel you are always a problem? You can do nothing right? And then there is this other place in your life where everything seems to work out...very little goes wrong and you are treated like the next best thing?

My personal life is where I feel the most inept. I am nothing but a problem. But at work...oh at work everyone wants me on their team! I wake up in order to go to work. I hate weekends...that is a sad testament to my life. I have the most gorgeous child on the planet, and he really is my whole world. My parents are pretty darn great. My life should be full without an id badge, but I am lost without one. I walk differently, I talk differently, I don't cry when someone debates with me - I thrive on it...but once I take that badge off, "the kids on the street say what's your problem girl...when they all make you feel like your a problem girl..."

A just makes me feel like dirt: I am an inconvenience, I am too inexperienced, I am an idiot, It's my fault when things go wrong, I don't satisfy, It's my fault our marriage failed, If I were better everything would work out, I AM INADEQUATE...

I have this friend who completely dismissed my thoughts and feelings; everyone else can say what they think but not me, mine are to be invalidated. It doesn't matter that I would never knowingly do or say anything to jeopardize her in any way, I AM THE PROBLEM...

and I could go on, but it is redundant and YUK!

Nothing I do or say is ever right in my personal life...not with the people who claim to be a "friend". I feel so clumsy and self-conscience....like I should just burrow under the covers until my workday starts again, or keep everyone at arms length -- anyone want to take a guess at what I have been doing? If I have learned anything from my time in therapy, I know what I am doing is not healthy...but on the other hand it keeps me steady.

Wanna think some more???




Reflection, Christina Aguilera, Mulan Soundtrack
Some more great lyrics that make a girl think...

Who am I??? Am I going through a nasty midlife thing?? Possible, or I am just sick of the crap that constantly surrounds me. As soon as it seems to get a little quiet something comes up. It's such crap. The KC Revolution is NOT going well. Why am I always the one to pretend........

edited 10/2/10

Whatever...do what you want

I love getting all of my information about school via text message. Apparently Doodles is going to have reading tutoring...I don't know what it is or why since he has been reading since he was four. Does that mean he is being bumped up and will spend a hour a week with advanced reading or has he forgotten how to read when he is at school? I got it via text from such a reliable source. I emailed his teacher to ask her W.T.H. is going on, I needed to email her anyway to schedule parent/teacher conference. UGH, sometimes this traveling business is for the birds.

Let me tell you about my day...what???? we don't understand! Explanation given, ARGUMENTS ensue. If I was a drinker I would have totally started drinking. You don;t understand and now you are arguing with us??????? STOP IT! Please understand that we may just know that 2+2 really does equal 4 and not 3 or 5. BWEE!!!!

How cool is that???

This week was not completely filled with co-workers and things that are either so boring it's not worth mentioning or so technical you would all call me out as not knowing what I was truly talking about...

Thursday morning I went and toured the Louisville Slugger factory. My traveling companions really wanted to go and, hey what the heck right?!?! So, I do not do baseball...I am a hockey girl, winter sports are my thing - seriously being born up north was a good call on the Powers that Be part when it came to me. :) I swore that this trip Doodles was not getting anything, but at the end of the tour they give out the mini-bats so...yeah. He loves it. Back to the tour...for me I thought it was kinda cool. I found my dream job. There was a gentleman watching paint dry. No, seriously, he got up once in the 15 minutes I was watching him touched a bat and sat back down. I asked and his whole job was to make sure the bats do not come off the hooks until the varnish/paint/whatever is dry...I can totally do that!!!! QUALIFIED -- over here, pick me! You end up in the museum which was cool. I thought of Misses M, there is a lifesize wax of Griffey in a Mariners uniform...sorry, I know painful subject these days. They were making bats for one of the Boston Red Sox players. In my oh so humble opinion it was kinda amazing the way that they make a baseball bat...my traveling companions were a little let down. I guess to a true fan of the game, it's different. I can see that, watching a factory crank out hundreds of hockey sticks would probably take the awe out of it for me when I want it to be the wooden shafts, and then bending each blade individually. So, yeah I can see the let down of a smoothly run factory cranking out the bats instead of using the hand lathe of the past. The other BIG let down was that the personalized bats...you can't use them! But, they have professional cores that didn't come out perfect so a mere mortal can buy them for $50. {But beware if you fly out of the Louisville airport no bat, of any size is allowed as carry on - yeah I was fine taking my mini-bat through CVG}.

Lunch was just down the street at this AMAZING Italian place called Luigi's. Seriously, if you are ever in Louisville, KY you have got to stop at this place! It is a local little restaurant with the most delicious food. I highly recommend the lasagna...mmmmm GOOD -- no that doesn't even begin to describe it!!!! Trust me, I don't recommend many restaurants because I am such a picky eater, but this one - Scrummy!!!!!!!!

That evening we ate at the Oak Room. Very nice. Apparently the place of legends, Al Capone type legends...and the Lady with the Blue Dress! Then we proceeded to take a tour of one of the coolest places. Very techno-advanced for the business that they are in. But the absolute coolest thing was the 16 million dollar Flight Simulator that my traveling companions and I were lucky enough to be able to experience! The instructor allowed me to mess with one of my companions who was flying and throw a light thunderstorm at him and after everyone got a chance to take off/fly/land he showed me all of the weather and malfunctions that were available. The things a pilot has to go through in simulation are absolutely unbelievable! The flight sim was probably the highlight of the things I have experienced in my life. Unbelievably cool! I hope I get a chance to go back and see them again. :) But, I don't suppose anyone wants to buy me one for christmas, my birthday, just as a you're great present????? No, I didn't think so...

Anyway, this was a cool trip...but I am glad to be home, even if it does feel like it is just a moment. My weekends are going to fast. Tomorrow is church, lunch and then it will be the rush of getting ready for the next day again.

Finally, someone gets it...

OMG...finally, someone who gets it! Seriously, I thought the majority of the people in power had finally lost there ever lovin minds. There are states out there finally responding to the health care joke, I mean bill.

Karen Harned, executive director of the Small Business Legal Center of the National Federation of Independent Business, has a head on her shoulders!!! Beyond stating that the case needs to be heard she goes on to say:

"The federal government does not have the authority to regulate an individual's decision to do nothing. If they did, then they could force us to purchase any product they want," she said.

YAY! Since this health care bill was signed I thought every single person in DC has lost their minds and forgot about democracy and what exactly that means. The only question I have is why every single state is not in this law suit! But, just maybe it will be heard and those little shreds of common sense that are in those judges minds will fuse together and click to realize that Oh yeah we are not a socialist republic...so, we kinda can't penalize people for not purchasing government health care nor can we penalize Americans who have jobs that offer a benefit package. Crossing fingers!!!!!!!

Fruit...or is it

Do you remember when blackberries were fruit that grew on bushes? If you lived near the country you could find a bush, pick them and eat em till you got sick...yeah!!! Good times! My grandmother had blackberry bushes...I preferred the raspberries, but I picked the blackberries for her too.

These days, when someone asks about a blackberry the first thing you think of???? BE HONEST!!!!


Yep, me too. I am currently in possession of 2, count them TWO...yes, my job is trying to kill me but it will take more that electronics to do it LOL They cannot win!!!! One more week... :)

First Day...

I would post a great big long story about my day and the excitement of the new position...but my friends, first and foremost my job's not that exciting; second, I am soooooooo tired {why yes, I am whining}; third, there is so much crammed into my lil, itty-bitty brain that it will explode if I try to suck any knowledge out of it at this time; and lastly I couldn't even if I wanted to get into it.

So, let me just state the obvious........I survived (barely) and bedtime is only 15 minutes away. We will be going to bed on time in this house! Nighty-night.

{No, I didn't use the Phoebe...more like the germophobe approach, no can't shake, sick}

First Impression - WINNER ;)

My new job starts tomorrow and I feel like garbage...actually more like I got run over a few times and then dropped in a dumpster. Ahhhh, what a first impression I am going to make! Excuse me while I blow my nose and forgive the death warmed over look, I hear it is oh so sexy and the new black!!!! Luckily, the person I report to already knows how awesomely cool I really am. Is it bad form to fall asleep at your desk on your first day in a new position????

OOOOOOOO....but let me share how awesome Doodles is. We were in the car on Friday, I had a headache and I looked like crap I know it. We were waiting on his father to meet up with us and my baby boy, I mean my big kid, blurts out of the blue...you're beautiful. I looked at him surprised and was like what? And he tells me, mommy you are beautiful. You have pretty eyes and a pretty smile.

AWWWWWWWWWWWW....how sweet and cute is this kid?!?! I think I'll keep him.

(yes, he did think deep thoughts at 2)

Airport

And who says sitting at an airport is not productive...I got all of the posts put back on here that I had and that were re-sent to me. WOOT, end redundancy period. Back to the regularly scheduled BEEP fest :)

So, sitting in BWI, I tried to get on an earlier flight home......guess what -- all sold out! So, got here before noon will be here until my flight departs at 7:10. Good times!!!! Ah well, I will work a lil bit and play a lil bit and I got here early enough to get a comfy chair so my booty won't be yellin at me so bad. hehehe

Did take time this morning to go over to the Aquarium and see the dolphin show. I was frightened though! With my luck when I am traveling. I'll fill ya in on my trip later when I round it out with the return flight.

Sweet Cakes...ADVICE FROM GAGA????

(originally posted Tuesday 6/22/2010)

ETA (7/21/10) I liked this post -- it is just so true! when you want something so bad, you really have to think about if the price is worth it...and still can't believe Gaga is giving sage advice. Someday I will wrap my head around that fact.


“Because the sweeter the cake, the more bitter the jelly can be." Lady Gaga said that in a news story I read today. It’s true. Fame can be a blessing and a curse. Money, popularity, pretty much all of the things that people crave have an ugly side that doesn’t show until you obtain that which you thought you wanted oh so badly.

There are people that wanted marriage so badly, once they achieved it they realized it was not happily ever after and love and kisses all the time. Marriage is work. Hard, difficult work. The Bible says that it will be a labor of a lifetime, but one that will bring joy (Ecclesiastes 9:9). If your marriage is not bringing you joy, if your mate is not lifting you up, helping you be the best person that you can be and you are not doing those things for your mate…why are you together? The wedding cake gets stale, and sometimes that is all you have so you joyfully make do…at least in a marriage that was meant.

There are those that need to have money. Money, money, money. But, I don’t know very many who have found happiness because they are always chasing money. Or, there are some who make their families so unhappy because they are always looking for the next big thing. Work hard, but play harder. You only have one shot at this life.

I guess that is one of the lessons I am trying so hard to learn…I only have one chance – shouldn’t I grab it and live it to the fullest? Shouldn’t I do whatever I have to do to forget about the painful and bitter and find something sweet? That quote from Gaga it hit me because it is so true, what I thought was so good and sweet ended up being so bitter and bad.

One of Those Days

(originally posted Thursday 3/11/2010)

There are some days that you just know you should crawl back into bed and wait for the next one...today was one of those days! It started with the snooze button, always a bad sign, and before I could get into the shower Doodles walks into the bathroom with a bloody nose. No rhyme or reason why, it just started bleeding. I have a bleeder on my hands!!! We run out the door with everything we need for the day and it appears I am only going to be a few minutes late to work. Not bad considering.

Ahhhh, traffic, how you have filled my week with glee! All week the interstate has been a mess for my commute, why would today be any different?!?!? Oy vey. But, I finally arrive at work...only 15 minutes late! Open my email and discover that soccer practice will be held outside - WHAT?!?!?! I did not grab the stuff required for outside soccer practice! I will deal, I will figure it out, I am a mom it's what we do! Work today was...eventful to say the least. I was nominated to take someone's place on an improvement team, I accepted, and then I received a meeting notice for today...talk about hitting a girl over the head - yes I did get action items and my head is still spinning. Beyond that, the normal fires and we have our annual conference coming up in a little over a week so I will be traveling again and need to prepare for the conf - thus is the life. Sometime between the fires, the meetings, trying to get ready to implement new procedures I found time to go to the sporting good store to get some outdoor gear for Doodles for today's practice, I needed to buy black socks for him anyway so whatever.

Soccer practice was...COLD!!!! Yes, I didn't have time to go change so I went in my work-wear. I wore the cutest lil mini today...mmmm yeppers great choice! So, I took a chance and went and sat in the car...bad move, Doodles freaked when he realized I wasn't in his eyesight and had an accident. The height of misery for my 6 year old. I feel so bad!!!! Luckily I had his school clothes still in the car. So we got home, I feed him, put him in a nice warm bath...and then the end of bath time came and I fought with him to get him out. Oh yes, I should have never gotten out of bed this morning.

Finally, everything is quiet...the washing machine is almost done and I will be able to go to bed and start all over tomorrow. I haven't told Doodles that his father isn't picking him up until after his game on Saturday yet...because of the teeter totter he goes through of wanting to go/not wanting to go - I admit I'm a chicken :)

Friend...maybe not

What is a friend and how much should one expect from a friend? Maybe I expect or want too much out of the few people that I call friend...maybe I expect too much out of myself. I give to not only to show that I care, but it makes me feel better when I give a gift that one gets joy from. I expect nothing in return but loyalty and that they be there if/when I need them. I think for the most part I am pretty low maintenance when it comes to friendship.

Our relationship started out as manager/employee...we became friends when he had the nerve to venture into my work area. I made a flippant comment about management not being allowed to enter into my area and much to my surprise his response was as sarcastic as my comment to him. It was the first time that I really looked at him and saw him as a person who was worth getting to know. He was funny, sarcastic, kind, and he had such a positive soul. Our friendship grew slowly, he had an innate understanding of my need to keep things inside of myself until I was ready to talk. He was so patient with me, never pushy! He opened up to me unlike anyone he has ever opened up to before. Our relationship grew and it flourished until it crossed over into intimacy.

We have always had a flirtatious way about us. The two of us will flirt with anyone; from the youngest to the oldest, the cutest to the not so cute...we are the equal opportunity flirt squad. In December 2007, the flirtation between the two of us went from verbal to physical; but, we put boundaries in place. The problem with those boundaries is that we pushed them as far as we could and still say that we were well within them. On January 17, 2008 all of those boundaries were erased as our libidos took over. That was supposed to be a one time thing! An oops... Right after it happened, we were awkward with each other at first but the elephant soon left the room. Our friendship took precedence over a one time lack of judgment.

Until...his marriage (did I not tell you, hmmm sorry) hit some major rocks! I had quit the position I had with the company he works for in April. In May we were talking on the phone as he asked me to have an affair with him. I was hesitant to say the very least, I am not that girl! That one time made me feel horrible guilty, but I forgave myself and I know that God forgave my lack of judgment....now he was asking me to knowingly enter into an affair. We talked about it many times, I heard about how his marriage was over and how he was feeling about that. He told me how happy it would make him to be with me. My response was that we would see about us if his marriage ended....guess what, that is not what happened! We entered into an affair and it went on (and off) until October 2009.