Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate...a resolution I can get behind!!!!!

I do not make resolutions...I know, I am a party pooper extraordinaire! But hey, if I do something, I might as well excel at it!!! ;) But, in an effort to do something to usher out 2010 and say hello to 2011, I would like to clean out my child's room....or rather the cave of toys where I happen to make him sleep. He has so many things that he does not play with! There is Thomas the Train® set (who he just HAD to have...we played with it maybe 3/4 times and it is in a bag in the back of the closet), the Weebles® Treehouse (once much loved but now not played with in forever), an unopened -- yes UNOPENED -- truck carry case with cars that is just sitting in the back of the closet (he has more cars than he can count so seriously I think we can downsize), a Black and Decker® tool table set thingy, and more. I don't know if he has just outgrown these things or what (and with the new DSi®...even more will be shoved to the back of the closet, trust me), but I have got to do something!!!! {yeah I walked in the closet to put the new clothes away and stubbed my toe, time to clean}. Not only that, but the old clothes are being taken out of that closet too!!!

So, by the end of February the cave will be cleaned out. Not sure what I am going to do with it all yet......its a good resolution and not one that will be broken LOL

Home

Home is where...well, it's where I am at the moment. I don't know that I have a place that I consider a home. My home is wherever Doodles is. That sounds trite, and shah right!!! But, yeah its true.......wherever that kid is I'm happy. I think it's because I learned a long time ago not to get attached to a physical place - not abode or city. I am very comfortable in the metro area in which I live, and love it; but, if my job told me to move tomorrow I probably could without too much heartache. Hassle, yes, TONS of hassle...but heartache not so much. (that's sad...but eh, whatever)

Anyway, I got home and Doodles had a set of Roald Dahl books and I had the most aweSOME hoodie waiting for me!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! and, I guess I have another 'date' tomorrow night, unless something comes up. Yep, been talking to this boy for a little over 2 months and have not gone out on a 'date' because something always comes up - usually it's me, but last time it was him...once again eh if we go out we go out. Its not like its going to be anything but friends until I get this divorce thing finalized.....

Which brings me to the new year. A says he will pay to do the divorce since I paid last time (no, not holding my breathe -- for the divorce drama you can see here, here, here and here). But, he wants to do some funky stuff with custody and....well he is gonna make me scream so instead of a nice friendly divorce its gonna be UGLY! I don't want it to, but if he does not pull head out of, well ya know, it just is not going to be easy.

Ok, gonna go beat up on my kiddo for awhile for pretend burpin in my ear. Seriously, I wanted a boy.........what was I thinking. (Girls are sweet, and not gross, and always do as they are told -- that is my view don't spoil it HA!)

The I Wants...and aliens

My child has always been a content child. He has never really been one to want things, or rather to say I want this or I want that. Going through a store with him is pretty easy as far as those things go...he may see a ball or book or something and mention it but it is only once and then that's the end of it. At the end of the shopping trip if I have extra money and he has been good more often than not he will get the little item he had mentioned, otherwise we leave the store and go on with our lives.

That was our past...something happened when he turned 7. I do not know what, I do not know why, and I am not entirely sure but aliens may be involved somehow. Hey, its a theory! Anyways, for the last month I have been hearing the phrase "I WANT" come out of that child's mouth for everything. I believe yesterday he wasn't even paying attention, but a commercial came on and it was "I want that" and I was oh really, you would like that type of toilet paper??? His response, oh mommy don't be silly I thought it was a toy commercial. UGH!!!! He hasn't even been picky about gender specific toys -- "I WANT".

Wait, is anyone getting the feeling that the I Wants are driving me a little insane??? Oh , wellllll...ya know.....maybe a little bit. I cannot even really tell what is a true I want any more or a I want because that is what a kid is supposed to say when a toy commercial comes on.

Thankfully, the aliens have not totally taken over because his Christmas wish list was approximately 4 items long. When I got it I did sarcastically ask about all of the "I wants" and he replied that he really only wants what is on his list, the other stuff if just toys and he has lots of those. (I wanted to take his round little head in my hands and say look kid than stop with the I want...but instead I took his round little head in my hands and gave him a loud sloppy kiss). Anyone want to bet with me that I will hear at least 4 "I wants" tomorrow?????

Clean Driver

I just cannot wait to shout it to the world...to the whole, wide world!!! CLEAN DRIVER, right here!!! What, you thought I was talking about that whole writing thing I had to do this morning??? Dude, who cares about that when your insurance company sends you the most wonderific email ever. Yes, I would kiss, hug, bow before, cook for -- wait lets not get crazy I cook for no one! But If that insurance guy was close I would probably kiss him! Yo, no one mess with me or my driving abilities! I am a clean driver!!!!!!! Do you know what that means? Yes, insurance rates drop low, low, low... OK ALREADY...yeah it means I totally talked all of those police, wonderful, beautiful, nice, kind, policemen out of giving me tickets.... DUDE, can you please stop it....alright yes it means I will probably get a ticket on the way to pick Doodles up from school. But for right now, as of this minute I am a CLEAN DRIVER so there!

Yeah, writing went fine. I will be able to take 9 credits of communications next quarter - yay me. See all that enthusiasm? It is bursting out of me LOL

The Weekend Review

There is still no Blankie....but there is a new resident named Moose. (Yeah, the names are original....the stuffed dog is well, puppy...the stuffed cat is ummm kitty, the bigger stuffed dog is fuzzy and now the moose is moose. My kid is awesome with the namin, it saves on MY confusion!!!!) :)

The weekend was pretty awesome. Let me give you a cast of characters so you can follow along:

Doodles (we all know him by now since he stars in my stories often)
lil brother - my friends son
sister - my friends daughter
Friend - my friend
me/I - well that would be me, seriously this is not hard LOL

Saturday after cleaning, Doodles and I sat down and watched a Tinkerbell (I don't remember which one) for like the 3 millionth time. And then we watched some other random show on TV...because MOMMY, I didn't watch any TV allllllllll week long, can't we please....pretty please with mashed potatoes on top??????? I believe whatever was on NickJr was on my TV...I read a book. Once bedtime came we discover the missing blankie -- I do plan on tearing the house apart to find this blankie....now possibly I should let it stay gone but.....well we will get to it.

Sunday we went to church....the Pre-K/K Sunday School class sang to us before service. TOO CUTE!!!! Doodles actually behaved pretty well so it was off to Friend's house to hang out for the day. We had lunch and then Lil Brother, Doodles, me and Friend went to the Science Center to check out the Grossology exhibit while Sister stayed home to study. Uhhhhh, yeah very apropos name. Doodles is so adorable it kills me, and Lil Brother is...well one of the best kids on the planet!!! The interacted so well. We walked through part of the Science Center when we were done and the two of them held hands. It was so darn cute. We spent an inexplicable amount of time at the mummified baby and Doodles was way into the interactive look at it....maybe he will be an archaeologist or something. After that we went to Our Lady of Snows Shrine for dinner with Friend and Sister (Lil Brother stayed at home for this part of the adventure). There were animals to pet, that licked me EWWWW, Sister and Doodles feed them (there was these really cute alpacas or whatever that were so not photogenic -- pretty funny), singing (that in Doodles words was annoying, but was actually very pretty), some amazing Kettle Corn, Dinner and then the Way of Lights which is sooooo pretty!!! Then on the way out Friend did a donation which is where Moose came from. Such a good day and Doodles loves Friend and her entire family so much!!! It is so adorable how they interact...my shy, don't touch me kid is anything but with them.

This morning I allowed him to sleep until he woke up on his own. Maybe a mistake....I told him to get dressed so I could take him to daycare (I really do have to work, after my meeting at the college) and we had a global meltdown. I don't know what that was all about, but possibly he needed his blankie to calm him. So yes I will be tearing this house apart to see if I can find it. If not we will just learn to live without and hope that somehow the memory that boy has forgets about blankie (of course he remembers the silliest things from years ago......) HELP!!!! :)

Now, I am off to prepare for my writing comp "test". Wish me luck.

Oh, BTW -- no new boy meeting. I know M has been wondering. We had a plan, he made other plans, no big deal. I am pretty content with the way things are running right now.

Helper

Doodles helped me finish wrapping presents this morning. He was the 'taper'. Man are those presents taped up. Maybe not securely, but they have plenty of tape on them!

He also helped me clean. I will clean the living room on Monday after I take him to daycare. I love it when he helps me, but why do all of his toys have to come out of his room????? things that make a Mommy go HMM.

Whilst cleaning the kitchen he discovered candy and decided that he should have some......yeah, we are done now. It's movie time.

Tomorrow we are going to see the lights and spend time with friends. I hope ya'll have a wonderful weekend.

UPDATE....I have an important announcement to make. We have a missing blankie on our hands. It looks just like this (the only difference is the child's bigger and its much more EWWW cuz it just doesn't come clean any more):



Yes, he has had it for that long...so you can understand the issue! Blankie, please report back IMMEDIATELY!!!!

Thanks and Praise

Dear Heavenly Father...

If You would take a moment, and I know You will because You always do for some odd reason, I want to thank You. You have blessed me in so many ways and I often get lost in life to forget to give thanks for the abundance of blessings. You have given me a tremendous amount of strength, and always provide an angel in the form of a friend for me to lean on when I feel at a loss.

You have given me the pleasure of seeing this beautiful creation that we live on in so many different ways...from the air, from the land, through my eyes, through the eyes of others, and most importantly through the eyes of my child. It is so gorgeous and I feel so blessed to be able to see so much of what was created.

I have been blessed with the most amazing child to care for, teach and love. He surrounds me with so much love and it takes my breath away.

I do not deserve the blessings You continually give me...but I thank You and know that You know that I try my very best.

Santa is Coming....

...and I am ready. Prepared. Donzo!!!! But not without a small amount of difficulty. I dislike going with the obvious, but this year the boys in my life were so difficult!!!! Well, ok not all the boys....Doodles was easy! But I guess he doesn't count cuz he writes a letter to Santa. And I knew for certain I was getting my friends oldest a gift card. But all the other boys - UGH! So, obvious choices all around for them. Oh I wish they could all be girls where even if you get stuck you can walk into any mall and pick up a bag...Guess, Coach, Dolce & Gab (my personal fav), Michael Kors, Juicy Korture...yep any one and they are all so cute this fall!!!!! But, the girls were kinda easy.

Anyways, I am done and am almost done wrapping. Happy last weekend before Christmas.

Exhibit A

I try to be a nice girl. I try to stay to myself. What? Why? C'MON!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE HECK DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS????????????

Exhibit 1....Screaming child less than 10 feet behind me. Now I have dealt with a screaming child before and I am good at it.......BUT, I am at an airport. In my gate. Getting ready for a 4 and a half hour flight. Need I go on???

Exhibit 2...I am sitting on the floor away from everyone! Endless empty chairs to choose from. Stinky guy comes with his lunch. Eats. Chomps LOUDLY. Pulls out phone. Talks with mouth full. Uber Gross!!!! (and I have a boy child)

Exhibit 3....There has got to be 10 flights from Seattle to St Louis. My gate has got to have 15 children from the ages of 7 weeks to 4 years old. Have I mentioned 4 and a half hour flight???? I am going to be enclosed in an airplane with no where to go with 15 children....3 of who are now screaming at the top of their lungs. (would it be bad form to scream with them????)

Exhibit 4....see exhibit 2, that guy just passed the most disgusting gas ever. And when I say that it's pretty bad considering I have 2 older brothers and a father who taught those brothers a thing or 2.

The Issue/What I Did....I forgot to ask for Noise Cancelling Headphones for Christmas and I failed to buy them for myself :-)

Halfway There

My week has been amazing! I have heard so much about Seattle weather I prepared myself for some crazy torrential rain...but beyond a slight misty rain yesterday morning (which M and I braved and conquered) I have been very let down Seattle! Where is the Pineapple Express??? Where is the rain???? Where is all those dreary rainy days I am expecting??? Oh well, much like the horrible St Louis Metropolitan area winters sorta reside in the heads of those people that live there (seriously, winter is snow, ice and cold for longer than a month but don't tell them that they would FREAK)....we will allow the Seattle folk to believe that this is the rainiest, grayest area on the face of the earth (I saw sun every day -- shhhhhhh, it's ok we won't tell them that).

Now, my kiddos week has not been that spectacular from what I gather. There was an incident at school that I heard about via text...mmmm hmmmm....so I sent a message to his teacher. Here is her response:

"Basically, I went behind the cubby wall that’s in our classroom to get some paper and a student had said “We have no teacher.” {Doodles} preceeded to say, “Let’s trash the place!” and “Let’s break everything!” When I came from behind the wall I let {Doodles} know how disappointed I was that he would say/think something like that. I then asked him to pull his card and he began to pout and stomp his feet. Today however, I gave the whole class several warnings during calendar to stop shouting out and next person who did would pull a card. Several minutes later {Doodles} shouted out and he pulled his card. Again stomping around. I let him know if he continued to stomp, he’d be on yellow. But he continued anyway and as of right now is on yellow. He served his -5 minutes of recess today. let me know if you have any more questions."

Really Doodles!!!! So, Mommy-time...I called A and told him that I needed to speak to our son today and would be done with training by 4 Pacific time. We talked and once the conversation was done he assured me he would behave the rest of the week. He agrees that it is not appropriate behavior and it will never happen again.........

OK, so I am traveling a great deal in Feb and Mar....A needs to pull his Daddy card out of where ever he has it stored and be able to parent!!! He called/sent me text messages two different days telling me how ridiculous the behavior was. Yeah, hello parent the child! Not just with negative, but with positive reinforcement too. You'll get farther. UGH.

Knowledge :)

I learn something new Every. Single. Day.!!! Now, I know that I am in a training class today and I am supposed to be learning today but thats neither here nor there. This is about Sea-Tac...I was under the assumption (yes I know that they say) that it was the Seattle - Tacoma area International Airport.......HUH! Nope, there is a little town called SeaTac. I am amazed!!! AMAZED I tell ya!!!!!!!!!

Vindicated....I am at the airport today (thursday 12/16) and as I was driving in the sign says Seattle Tacoma Area International Airport! Booyah. SeaTac, obviously you sprang up as a town because people are too lazy to drive to work LOL

Seattle

I flew into Seattle yesterday and spent the afternoon with M. I cooked...yeah I remember how to do that. :) Then today M and I spent the day in Seattle. Pike's Market, Space Needle...Seattle is beautiful! A lil chilly today, but I had an awesome time with wonderful company. (Bonus I found some perfect presents....I think I am pretty much done woooo hoooo) Tomorrow I head off to training and home on Thursday! Thursday evening I am supposed to meet with new boy. Hmmmm, busy week but a good one!!!!

A New Day

I allowed myself to wallow in sadness yesterday after my therapy appointment. The way I figure it I am taking the steps....a girl has to realize that sometimes the steps are slippery and ya slip. I cannot and will not beat myself up for going there yesterday.

Today is a new day and it's time for some positivity from me.

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” - Mahatma Gandhi

So, I remind myself that I can heal and I can be ok with the girl I presently am. My life as it has been may have been hard, but I refuse to believe that I do not have the capacity to heal from what was....As Gandhi says, I may not have had it then but if I believe that it is possible I will be able to heal from those hurdles that life has thrown at me.

Have a wonderful weekend!

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” - Confucious

Sad Day

December 10, 2008 I had an early morning doctor appointment. The news I received shocked me. Pregnant??? How, does someone with issues get pregnant twice in one year. It was unbelievable. I walked into work shocked, confused but cautiously excited that I was going to have a baby.

I settled into my work day and checked my messages. What is going on? I tried to let it settle in my brain and then I received the second message. I cried. I didn't understand, or maybe I just didn't want to understand what was happening. I never asked for any of it. I never asked he do anything but make himself happy. The more upset I got the more I thought about the dangers of getting upset, stressed, too high or too low was to my pregnancy.

I'm sad today. The thought of that day, the high and then the low. The thoughts of what eventually happened with that pregnancy. Yeah, I'm sad on a sad day.

Weekly Wrongs

ahhhh....want to know what I did wrong this week???

1. I asked an avid reader if we should give books to charity.

• No Mommy, I want to keep all of them. Wait, we can give these 2 away

2. I asked a question to my co-workers

• I know better than that!!!

3. I expected people I worked with to ask questions if they don't understand something

• Seriously, the fact that people do things (incorrectly) without checking kinda messes with my mind

4. I asked the exe when he wanted Doodles for Christmas and if he could take him on Saturday

• It does appear that I bumped my head and everything is back to normal

The good news is that I do not work Friday (yuk yuk yuk, he he he, hardy har har). It is Wednesday night and I have only received 2 stupid emails since leaving work (I try not to be like that but sometimes I look at my blackberry and ask it to repeat itself because things don't make sense). I have a date on Saturday. And, I am off to Seattle next week which is AWESOME! {I am going to get in touch with my inner domestic diva and make some Mostacolli for M and the fam. I should find a funky desert to make too :)} So, if ya could just wish for good weather in Seattle next week that would be fabu!!!

{and, if anyone wants to pass on gift ideas for a 13 year old boy...I have come up with ___ - yeah thats it. And I really don't want to give him money, he is one of the most awesome kids ever so I need to figure it out.}

Pity Party

You are cordially invited to attend a pity party being thrown by and for....ME!!!

Rules:

1. there will be NO positive remarks made
2. you must wallow with me - jump on in the waters fresh and salty
3. anger is fine
4. disparaging remarks are encouraged and often laughed at

I am trying to balance the checkbook and we all know that whereas mathematics and I get along famously as long as it is in proof form or geometric shapes or even Trigonometry....this accounting/economical stuff is just so hard. Why o why should my numbers match the banks?? And, why does it have to be so darn hard for those cute lil (and when I say lil ya'll know what I'm talking about since it's the time of the year) numbers to just match up already!!!!! I think it is a very good thing there is not some dorky accountant (not you Mr M, Misses would not marry a dork) around because I would pull that person head long into my pity party and probably drown her/him. Who came up with this crap anyways?? {does anyone think the bank would take pity on me and just balance this thing for me like once a month????}

So........refreshments that way, dance floor to the right, have a blast and don't worry about a thing. I have it all under control...........as long as someone would kindly tell me that .44 is the same as .21. NO, hmmmmm refer to rule number 3 - I will find the mistake and someone is going down...yeah I know its only me and the kid and he doesn't have access to the bank account, but can't I blame him just cuz?!?!?! :-)

'The Mice before Christmas'

Doodles had his school play this morning. It was very cute, except for the other parents who stood in front of me. Excuse me for getting there early enough to find a place against the wall....well, I found a chair, but gave that to an elderly lady and stood up. It was very cute. 'The Mice before Christmas', Adorable and the acting and singing was superb!!!! Doodles was in the chorus. I took some pix and some video. The pictures didn't turn out that well, I would post one of the videos for your viewing pleasure, but in one I had big head and in the last one I had some lady yelling at one of her kids....so, more audience participation than first graders. Ahhhhh, the memories we shall have of this!!! :)

Lo and behold, the alternate universe has not ended (yet)....A was in attendance and stuck around after the play to see if Doodles wanted to do anything else. I am grabbing my blankie and gonna get comfy...I may put the DND sign up for awhile so I can just enjoy.

WAIT...one more development, this just in -- the principal called 2 seconds ago and I WON! I filled out the raffles just to give money to the PTO because I feel so guilty that I cannot give time to kiddos school and I won one of the baskets. The family reading basket ($45 Barnes & Noble gift card, cookbook, Geometric origami, Judy Blume, The Lightening Thief, Clementine, and more). YAY!!!! Now, what to do, should I give it away as a gift or can I keep it for myself??? That is so selfish ---- LOL

Alternate Universe

I believe I have entered into an alternate universe......NO, not complaining. I am going to pull up a chair, make myself comfy and stay...hopefully FOREVER! :)

I arrived at the Hartford airport in time to make an earlier flight home, the connection would be tight but the gates were close in Atlanta so I could probably make it as long as things went my way. Oh yes...I made that connection and arrived back into my home airport before 3 pm! Seriously, yeah!!!!

Then, I called A and asked him to bring Doodles home and he agreed....is that the theme to The Twilight Zone???? It gets more WOOOHOOO. A and Doodles arrive to the apartment a little after 6 (I was asleep) and Doodles asks if he can show daddy Guitar Hero. I don't have an issue with that, but I expect A to say something about having to take off. NO, A takes off his jacket and plays with his child for almost an hour...

No, that's not it! I am meeting someone on Sunday and A has agreed to take care of Doodles. I asked if he was coming over to the apartment or if I had to bring Doodles out to his place...well, if the scout thing is still happening A is going to pick him up otherwise whatever is easier for me?!?!?! HUH....

Nope, I have no idea what happened, but I LIKE IT!!! If I happen to still be sleeping and none of this is actually true and factual, let me sleep :-)

Pain

Pain. I have felt it and as much as I have stated in this here blog that I just want it to stop I would continue to feel it ten times worse if it meant those that I care about didn't have to feel even an ounce of the heartbreak that I have felt over the years.

Everyone feels things differently...I know what the pain is like to lose and not know why or how to stop it. I know how I felt, how I still feel on those days when I ache and there is nothing anyone can say to ease that pain. I absolutely cannot stand that I have so many friends going through so much and there is nothing I can say to ease their pain. All I can do is stand here. Yes, I know from experience that having someone just stand there ready to listen for that painful scream is a blessing. But, I must admit that I still wish that there was someway I could lift all of those painful burdens from the lost job to the very personal pain and take it on myself.

Eleanor Roosevelt said "You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give." She also said, "When life is too easy for us, we must beware or we may not be ready to meet the blows which sooner or later come to everyone, rich or poor." Ya know what I say....can't life cut some of us a little slack??? Sometimes it would be nice to watch a plethora of good things happen to those I love for extended periods of time.